Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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