you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
