I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Randomize