I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
