I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Girls should come with a carfax report
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm too high and old for this...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
