cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
