I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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