alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
love makes seman taste better
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize