I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
