Can i not drive my cunt home
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Well I just put wine in my tea
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
