Joe is yelling at the trees again.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
