ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I look better un-naked...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
sex in a hospital.. check
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
