she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
