When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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