My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize