i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
