i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
