He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
