She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Randomize