Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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