I molested 6 butterflies tonight
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
