She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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