when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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