Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
