You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize