So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
