i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize