This is not my ceiling
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
