Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
