Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Bring me that man meat
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
