You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize