Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
