I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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