I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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