I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
