I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
