Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
