Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
