the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
