singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
