Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
