her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
