also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
