He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
