Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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