This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
