Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
