absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
