So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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