mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
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