Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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