Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
