fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
