Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
