How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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