Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
