Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
