ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
