If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
