I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
