I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I cut my penus on the lid.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
