threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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