some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Sorry my hands just texted you
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize