I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
