I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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