Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
