just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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