If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
