party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
