:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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