found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
