Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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