Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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